My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
