Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
