In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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