I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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