I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
