it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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