he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
