she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A+ Viking dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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