so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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