I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
