The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
