In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
