He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
