This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
