i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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