I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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