dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
