True but thats because hes a fetus.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
