I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
