Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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