Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
