I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
