**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
