I met the friendliest cop last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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