My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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