my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
