So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
