True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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