i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
