needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
