This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
