If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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