I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
