Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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