??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
