Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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