I want to have your abortion
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
