Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dignity is for republicans.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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