I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
