Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
