Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
