All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
