i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
