Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
