I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
