i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
