So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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