my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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