i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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