Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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