I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
