Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
