I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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