I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
