I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
