He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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